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12 Reasons Not To Blame Others For Our Ministry Failures
I don’t blame anyone but myself for my failures in ministry.
Why are people so surprised by that?
In last month’s podcast with Carey Nieuwhof (click here to listen), I described our church’s history, including a short period where we had sudden growth, followed by even faster and deeper collapse.
Carey asked me if I had a handle on why the collapse happened, so I told him two of the mistakes I made that contributed to it. He was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t blame anyone (like the big church down the street) or anything (like changing demographics) for the problems, but took the responsibility upon myself.
To which I responded, “If you don’t own it, you can’t change it.” The interview went on and I thought no more about it.
But that little exchange and my short answer to it have received far more feedback (all positive, thankfully) than any other aspect of the interview.
Why?
I think it’s because we live in a blame culture. And that culture has invaded the church. In fact I know it has because I regularly hear pastors of Small Churches blame everyone from their denominations to other churches, to the corruption of the culture for their church’s lack of growth and/or health.
We must stop doing this. Here are 12 reasons. I’m sure there are more, so if you know of any, feel free to add them in the comment section.
1. If You Don’t Own It, You Can’t Change It
If someone else is to blame for my problems, I’ve given them control. If I’m to blame, I can do something about it.
2. Blaming Others Is Easy, But Unproductive
Let’s say it actually is the fault of someone else. What changes after we identify that? I can’t change someone else’s behavior, after all. I can only change me.
Like Henry Ford said, “Don’t find fault, find a remedy; anyone can complain.”
Movies In Church: Use Pop Culture, But Don’t Let It Use You
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
When I wrote my last post, Uh, Pastor… Being Right Is Not an Excuse to Be Mean, I ended it with those words from the Spider-Man comics.
It is perhaps the most famous quote from superhero comics and movies (thanks to Stan Lee and Peter Parker’s uncle Ben).
Because I used that quote, I was tempted to make it the title of my post and use a photo of Spider-Man to accompany it.
Here’s why I didn’t.
The Sign On the Front Door Matters
There’s an old, true saying in leadership circles:
What you win them with is what you win them to.
I didn’t choose to attract readers to my last post with a Spider-Man quote and photo because I wasn’t interested in attracting them to Spider-Man or superheroes.
When people were done reading that post, I wanted my readers to be thinking about how pastors need to be careful with our words, so that’s what I put in the title and accompanying photo.
In today’s post, I want you to walk away thinking about how we need to be careful about how we use words and images from popular culture, so I put that in the title. And I used a photo of a little dog in an ill-fitting Spider-Man suit because I think it illustrates the point of this post well – there are some ideas that might seem cute at the time, but they don’t fit like they should.
Provide an Alternative, Not More of the Same
I have no problem using references from pop culture to illustrate truth – I used a Spider-Man quote in my last post, after all. And I’ve made multiple references to pop culture in previous posts (including quoting Keith Richards, Reality TV shows and The Big Bang Theory sitcom, among others). But I’m beginning to tire of the tendency among pastors and Christian bloggers to link so much of our speaking and writing directly from the popular culture.
Uh, Pastor… Being Right Is Not an Excuse to Be Mean
Some pastors seem to delight in being hard and mean.
We’re in a spiritual battle! they’ll say.
Jesus used a whip and turned over tables! they’ll remind us.
OK. Yes, Jesus did that. Towards religious leaders.
But to the average person seeking help and truth? He was almost universally meek and gentle – a friend of sinners. So kind and nice that it got him in trouble at times.
Pastors have a lot of power in the church and in people’s lives. Many would argue that we often have more power than we should – and I would fully agree with that. But that is reality. A reality we need to take into account then we’re dealing with people.
In addition, there seems to be a group of pastors who are perpetually angry. They can quote chapter-and-verse for everyone else’s sins, but they’re not so good at remembering James 1:20 which reminds us that “…man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
As pastors, we don’t even need to be angry for our words – even true words – to hurt people unnecessarily.
Here’s an example.
5 Good Reasons To Go To a Big Church
I’m a fan of Small Churches. But I like big churches, too.
In fact, I really like them. There’s something very inspiring about hundreds, even thousands of people gathering to lift up their voices and hands in praise to Jesus and to receive discipleship through the preaching and teaching of God’s Word.
Every size of church has something to add to this amazing organism we know as the body of Christ.
But, as I pointed out in a previous post, 5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Big Church, not everyone who goes to a big church, goes for the right reasons. (Also, as I pointed out in 5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Small Church, people don’t always go to a Small Church for the right reasons either.)
But there are some great reasons to go to a big church. Here are just five of them.
1. Because It Helps Me Know I Belong to Something Much Bigger than Me
Depending on where you live, it’s possible to go through an entire week of school or work and not meet one other person who shares your faith.
For many people, going to a big church allows them to see that they not alone in their faith. The size of the crowd helps encourage them in the realization that they serve a God who is much bigger than them, and they are part of a spiritual family that is vast and wonderful.
2. Because the Multiple Service Times Fit My Atypical Schedule
5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Big Church
I love big churches.
Any time massive numbers of people get together to worship Jesus, that’s a great thing.
But every church of every size has its advantages and its challenges.
So there are both good and bad reasons to attend big churches just like there are good and bad reasons to attend Small Churches.
Today, I’m continuing my four-part series looking at those reasons.
If this post is the first one of the series you’re reading, please understand that it is not a criticism of big churches. It’s a challenge to people who choose to attend big churches for the wrong reasons.
To see the other side of this, check out my previous post, 5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Small Church and come back later for my upcoming post, 5 Good Reasons To Go To a Big Church.
Even if your church is great, it matters that we attend for the right reasons. So if you’re attending a big church for any of the following reasons, you don’t need to stop attending a big church. But you may want to take another look at your motivations.
5 Good Reasons To Go To a Small Church
In my last post I gave you 5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Small Church.
But there are some great reasons to go to a Small Church, too.
Some people wonder if there’s ever a reason to go to a Small Church. After all, if they’re small, they must be doing something wrong, right?
Wrong.
There are a lot of great Small Churches in the world, and a lot of great reasons to worship, minister and fellowship in one. Here are 5 of them.
This is the second in a series of four posts on both bad and good reasons to want to go to a small or big church. (Scroll down to see the previous and upcoming post titles.)
1. Because It’s Where My Gifts Can Flourish
Some people’s ministry gifts aren’t suited to a big church.
It’s not because they’re gifts are lesser, they’re just more usable in a smaller setting. If God can use your gifts better in a Small Church than a big church, go to a Small Church. Which leads us to…
2. Because They Can Really Use You
Big churches usually have little problem finding help – both paid and unpaid.
But there are many Small Churches all over the world that are desperate for people who are willing to help wherever they can. I hear this cry from Small Church pastors all the time. People visit, maybe even a few times. They say they like the church, the people, the preaching, but they leave because “you don’t have such-and-such a ministry”. To which we want to scream “then stick around and help us start such-and-such a ministry!”
5 Bad Reasons To Go To a Small Church
People are really picky about the kind of church they like.
But you knew that, didn’t you?
Most people choose their church home based on a combination of several factors, including theology (hopefully that’s first on the list), worship style, location, where their friends go, etc.
For many, one of those factors is size.
I’ve met plenty of people who say they could never feel at home worshipping in a big church. I’ve met just as many people who feel the same discomfort about worshipping in a Small Church.
And that’s fine. To each their own.
But, along with the valid reasons I’ve heard for wanting or not wanting to worship in a certain size of church, I’ve heard some really bad reasons, too.
This is the first in a series of four posts on both bad and good reasons to want to go to a small or big church. (Scroll down to see the upcoming post titles.)
Why am I doing these lists? Because we should all be free to worship in any type of church we want without anyone telling us it’s wrong based on its size. But we should also take a moment to assess the reasons for our preferences, too.
If you’re a pastor, these lists aren’t as likely to apply to you. But they might help you in one of two ways.
First, they can be a starting point for conversations with people in your church about why they’re there. Knowing their motivations for attending your church or not attending another church might even help you spot potential problems before they rear their ugly heads.
Second, you might want to give one of these lists to someone you know who is considering attending or not attending a church based on size. They might help someone make a better choice.
I’m a huge fan of promoting and encouraging healthy Small Churches. But people don’t always go to Small Churches for good reasons. Here are five bad reasons to go to a Small Church.
When You Assume… (Church Growth Edition)
We all make assumptions.
I do. You do.
And they’re almost always wrong.
Especially on complex subjects, like those that involve God and people. Subjects like church health and growth.
But over the years I’ve made many assumptions about church growth anyway. And I’ve heard others make them.
Then I lived a few decades as a pastor. Experience challenged, then changed my assumptions. It showed me that many of them were not valid.
So what should we do when our assumptions are challenged? Let go of them.
With that as a backdrop, here’s a partial list of assumptions many people make about church health, growth and size – many of which I made myself – that have proven to be wrong.
So we need to give them up.
(If you’re new to my blog, this might also help you clear up any assumptions you might have made about me and this ministry. Some have links to previous posts that explain them in more detail.)
The Counter-Cultural Statement Of a Strategic Small Church
The church I pastor will probably never be a really big church.
Not because we don’t want to grow. We do. And we are.
But, given the specific combination of gifts, location, property, demographics and God’s call on our church, small works better for us.
And we’re not alone in this.
Many churches are in situations like ours. Their smallness is not an indication of failure, it’s the best way for them to do the ministry God is calling them to do.
