If you were trying to help someone, would you want to know if you were unintentionally hurting them?
Of course.
Sometimes that’s what happens when big churches try to help small churches.
Many small church pastors have stopped looking for help from their big church counterparts. Not because they don’t want help. Not because they’ve given up.
Because they’re tired of being hurt. And not just hurt feelings. Actual damage caused to churches, pastors, and their ministries.
That’s what happens when we make and act on assumptions.
Here are 7 assumptions I’ve seen well meaning big churches and their pastors make that cause unintentional harm to small churches and their pastors.
1. It hurts when you assume small churches are broken
There are a lot of healthy small churches in the world, but almost every conference speaker wags their finger in disappointment when they remind us how many small churches there are.
This causes small church pastors to leave your conference either discouraged or determined to fix something that may not be broken. Either way, our churches aren’t getting the leadership they need from us. And your conference is less likely to get a return visit.
2. It hurts when you assume you know more about our church than we do
The bigger a church gets, the more they have in common. When a church gets into the thousands, their systems, structures, methods and leadership principles are similar, no matter what their theological differences.
But every small church is unique, because the smaller the church, the greater impact every person has. And people are weird. (I say that with love. Truly.)
In a big church, aside from a handful of key leaders, individual members have minor impact. In a small church, everyone affects the whole. Not to mention the differences in geography, theology, denomination, ethnicity, demographics, finances and more.
When we give advice to smaller churches we must always collaborate with the boots-on-the-ground leadership. An outsider’s opinion is helpful, because new eyes can see things the old eyes have long ago stopped noticing. But the smaller the church, the greater the need to collaborate with local leadership.
That’s harder to do with a blog, a book or a conference talk. So we need to speak and write with more humility.
3. It hurts when you assume what worked in your context will work in ours
If you pastored a small church that grew into a big church, I admire that. And I want to learn from you.
But please remember that the small church you pastored then was very different from the small church I pastor now.
4. It hurts when you assume we’re lazy, stupid, or sinful
This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does – ouch!
I’ve read more than a handful of ‘What Your Church Is Doing Wrong’ lists that were nothing more than a series of sins the pastor and church must be committing if the church isn’t growing numerically.
In one list, the blogger told pastors of small churches they were selfish, passionless, disobedient to scripture, and weren’t praying enough. And that was just half the list!
Is that true for some small church pastors? Of course. It’s true for some big church pastors, too.
We need to deal with selfish, sinful attitudes on a different page than church growth issues. They’re not the same thing.
5. It hurts when you assume there’s no great ministry when a community has no big churches
In a recent meeting I listened as the denominational leader expressed concern that they didn’t have a great church in the largest city in their region.
I could see three pastors from that city as he spoke. The frustration, anger, and hurt on their faces was heartbreaking.
Every one of them was pastoring a great church doing valuable work. But their churches weren’t big, so they were being told they didn’t count.
One of those pastors has already quit, continuing the revolving door of pastors at that church. The other twokeep going with virtually no denominational support, facing massive discouragement.
How different would that denomination’s reach into that city have been if their leader had encouraged the gathered pastors to support the existing churches instead of undermining them?
6. It hurts when you assume a healthy church will always grow numerically
Every healthy church will contribute to kingdom growth. But that does not always correspond with butts-in-the-seat growth for that local congregation.
Some congregations are sending churches. Some are toiling on hard ground. Some are in shrinking communities. And some are strategically small.
Many healthy churches do not grow numerically. I know that seems counterintuitive to many people, but that’s what the facts show. Just look around. Even in regions where Christianity is growing dramatically, small churches abound.
When we hear so many voices telling us that if we’re not getting bigger we must be doing something wrong, we can put too many of our limited resources into fixing non-existent problems.
7. It hurts when you assume you can’t learn from us
Wisdom doesn’t just flow one way.
If you pastored a small church that grew big, or if you’ve left pastoring for denominational leadership or conference speaking, you may have lost touch with what it’s like to pastor a small church today.
Things are changing. Fast.
Small church pastors want to learn from big church pastors, bloggers and conference speakers. But don’t ignore what the in-the-trenches small church pastor has to offer.
We can make you better, just like you can make us better.
(Photo by Carlos Ebert | Flickr)
