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Done With Church? Don’t Quit It, Change It
There’s a large and growing number of people who say they’re done with church.
These aren’t the Nones – those who who are increasingly checking the box marked “none” on religious affiliation surveys – these are people who often self-identify as Christians, but have intentionally stopped attending church.
According to several recent writings, including The Rise of the “Dones”, by Tom Schultz, the Dones are a growing percentage of society. Many of them have come from the clergy.
Yes, I know what many of you are thinking. This is just more evidence of our entitlement culture that doesn’t want to make commitments or be held accountable. I have to admit that thought occurred to me, too.
Certainly there are people leaving the church who fit that description. But there are regular church attenders and leaders who fit that description, too.
The Dones aren’t like that. They’re not lazy, apathetic or self-serving. Often they’re just the opposite. As Shultz says in his post, “To an increasing degree, the church is losing its best.”
Many of them may be like the kid in class who’s acting up and getting bad grades, not because they’re not interested in learning, but because their learning style doesn’t fit in a classroom setting. They want to leave, not because they don’t care, but because they hate having their time wasted.
Almost everything I’ve read from within the church about the Dones (and it’s a lot), has been written from one of two standpoints: 1) What can we do to win them back?, or 2) An attitude of “good riddance”, with an underlying, sometimes directly stated attitude of “they’re just lazy people who want everything done their way.”
I think that second attitude is inaccurate, dangerous and arrogant. But the first attitude may be missing the point too, since it feels a little like a salesman trying to woo customers back with a semi-annual sale. Either way, we don’t get it.
But everything I’ve read by the Dones (including conversations I’ve had with them) tells a different story. They’re not lazy or self-serving. And they’re not looking to be won back. They’re tired, frustrated and hurt. And they truly are done.
So this post isn’t written to church leaders to offer ideas about what we can do to entice the Dones to come back. Today I’m talking to the Dones or almost-dones, maybe even to fellow ministers in one of those groups, with a simple message.
If you’re done with the way we do church, don’t leave it, help us change it.
10 Reasons I Don’t Use Negative 10-Point Lists In Preaching or Blogging
A lot of bloggers and ministers like using negative 10-point lists as the basis for blog posts and sermons.
Some that I’ve run across include:
10 Reasons Your Church Isn’t Growing
10 Practices Healthy Pastors Need to Avoid
10 Habits of Highly Ineffective People
10 Attitudes that Will Ruin Your Marriage
10 Ways to Raise a Boy You Wouldn’t Want Your Daughter to Date
There’s nothing inherently wrong with writing or speaking that way, but I’ve never been a fan of it.
Here are my 10 reasons why.
Never, Ever Say This To a Struggling Pastor
“If you do what I did, your church will grow.”
If you’re the pastor of a healthy, growing church, please stop saying that to struggling pastors.
Even if you’ve never said those exact words, stop implying it or assuming it. Even if you believe it. For one simple reason.
It’s not true.
It’s not that struggling pastors of struggling churches don’t want to learn from you. It sure isn’t that we don’t want our churches to grow. Of course we want our churches to grow. If we didn’t, there’d be no struggle.
The problem comes when pastors of growing, healthy churches assume that what worked for them will work in the same way everywhere else. The truth is, it won’t.
Sure, there are universal principals for church leadership and health. But there are no one-size-fits-all solutions for church growth. What worked for you won’t work for someone else – at least not on a one-for-one basis.
Kill Your Church Traditions Before They Kill Your Church
When people start attending the church I pastor, there are a couple realities we tell them early and often. Here’s one of them.
Don’t fall in love with anything but Jesus, the bible and the people. Because everything else is up for grabs.
If you’re coming to our church because you love the way we sing, the architecture or location of the building, the way we run our youth program, or the way I preach, that’s nice. But if you love any of them so much that you’ll leave the church or fight with other members when it’s time to do things differently, you might want to find another church now. Because at this church, all of those things are subject to change.
When do we change them? When they stop working. Or when we find something that works better. And we’re always assessing what works and what doesn’t.
If changing important, but extra-biblical church traditions bothers you, you may not want to read the rest of this post.
Seriously.
I don’t want to get into an argument with people who like their church’s traditions. I’m not saying my way is the only way. But it is the best way for our church. And, if you’re curious enough to want to read on, it might be good for your church, too.
Preaching Better – Let Process Flow From Content
Most preachers are process junkies.
We obsess over sermon length and structure, whether-or-not to use PowerPoint, if we should preach in a series, etc.
Most of the discussions I have with other preachers about preaching concern these issues. And that’s fine. These are the tools of of the trade, after all, and we want to use them well.
I’ve participated in these discussions. I’ve written about how to preach better and I’m currently working on a blog post on the process I use to prepare sermon series’.
But I’ve discovered that there’s a set of principles underneath all the talk of process that we often forget.
Process should follow content, not the other way around.
I think there are two defining rules every communicator needs to follow:
1. Decide what you need to say
2. Say it in the best way possible
That’s it.
Everything else should follow after that. From sermon length, to series length, to use of illustrations, video clips, Q & A, etc.
Use the process that best communicates what needs to be said and let everything else go.
9 Things that Won’t Make Us Better Pastors – And 4 That Will
I want to be a better pastor.
I’m always doing everything I can to put more tools in my pastoral tool-belt. I read the best books I can find, I seek out wise counsel, I take classes and go to seminars. All of these practices have helped me become a better pastor – some more than others.
But, along the way, I’ve discovered that there are a handful of things many of us strive for that will do nothing to make us better pastors.
I’ve also discovered a list of things that we all know, but sometimes overlook, that will always make us better pastors – and people.
The first list is not exhaustive – it never will be. But I think the second one is. I offer both of them in simple lists because each one stands on its own.
The 6 Types Of Small Church Pastors (Descriptions & Cautions)
There are so many types of Small Churches in the world! The variety is staggering.
Correspondingly, there are a great variety of Small Church pastors, too. But as I talk with more of them (us), I’ve found that there are some patterns that keep repeating themselves.
Specifically, I’ve discovered that Small Church pastors tend to fall into one of six categories. Or some hybrid of two or more.
If you’re a Small Church pastor who doesn’t fit into any of these categories, that’s fine. Maybe there’s a seventh or eighth one I haven’t run across yet.
But I offer these six to you for three reasons:
First, to let you know you’re not alone. There are others who feel what you feel and know the challenges you struggle with.
Second, as a way of supporting each other. Once we know there are others like us, we can reach out and help each other.
Third, each type comes with areas of caution to be aware of. I offer those cautions today as well.
So here they are. You might be a Small Church pastor…
Church Is Not Efficient – And 5 Other Other Messy Truths
As a pastor, I was taught never to wrestle with difficult truths in front of the congregation. Give them simple three-point, alliterated answers to life’s problems.
That may have been the right thing to do years ago. Perhaps we really did live in a simpler era when answers were easier, God made sense and the church always did things well.
But not any more.
Today, people don’t trust answers that come too easily. At least not when we’re dealing with the big questions of life.
That has led some people to give up on the idea that we can find truth at all.
Not me. More than ever, I’m committed to the reality that there is a God. He does exist. That Jesus is the only way to heaven. And that the bible really does mean what it says.
But.
The details are messier than we’d often like to admit. So here are a few of those messy details that I’ve come to be OK with in recent years. I’m even OK with acknowledging them to my church, from the pulpit.
Just don’t stop until you get to the end of the story. The road may not be as smooth as it once was, but the destination is more than worth the trip.
Want to Build a Great Church? Stop Burying the Lead
No church can do everything. Not if we want to do any of it well.
But every church can do something really well. Maybe a couple things. That’s what makes a church great. Knowing what we’re called to do and doing it really well.
Especially in a Small Church.
But too many churches waste unnecessary time and energy trying to copy other great churches instead of doing what they’re called to do. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s no way to build a great church.
So how do we build a great church? Find out what you’re called to do, then do it really well.
And make sure that the thing you do well isn’t buried beneath things you don’t do as well. In publishing, that’s called burying the lead.
Churches bury the lead all the time. We hide our best stuff beneath layers of things we don’t do well at all.
Why? Because we have a template in our head of what a church is supposed to look and act like. But, more often than not, that template is based on churches we look up to, or churches we were raised in, instead of what God is calling our church to be and do.
We all need to figure out what our church is supposed to be about, then feature what we do well.
