Dianne Finkelde writes from the perspective of women in ministry. In this article, she offers help specifically for those challenges. But men in ministry can benefit from this wisdom as well.

—Karl Vaters

Women in ministry experience their fair share of hurt.

Hurt arrives at your station both intentionally and unintentionally. Sometimes you see it coming and you have the time and the temperament to wave it off. Sometimes you don’t, and it flattens you on arrival.

Since hurt is guaranteed to happen, it is essential to know how to combat it, respond to it, be healed, and recover from it.

21 Foolproof Ways To Overcome Hurt

1) Release the emotion

Allow yourself to have a good cry.

2) Write your response, but don’t send it

Write an email and then delete it. Do not, under any circumstances, press send. Too many people have pressed send only to utterly regret it later. Too many pastors have received hurtful, spiteful, cutting, have-a-go-at-you emails from disgruntled congregants who have lacked the courage for an eye-to-eye conversation.

It is significantly safer to write in your journal. Pour out your hurt, anger, disappointment and the like. Write all you are thinking and would like to say to the person.

3) Pray

Talk the whole situation through with God. Tell him the ins and outs; the “he said, she said,” your thoughts and feelings, the injustice, the “poor me,” the self-justification, all of it. God sees from all perspectives and understands. (Phil 4:6)

4) Under no circumstances make a vow (“I will never…”)

A vow is binding. A vow will bind you to itself. A vow made gives permission to shut down or create a no-go zone in an area of your life which God wants open. (Num 30:2-4)

5) Acknowledge and take responsibility for anything you may have knowingly contributed to the situation

Accepting your contribution to the hurtful circumstance removes the intensity of blame you may place upon another.

6) Talk to your spouse, a friend or trusted person

Verbalizing your pain, reasoning, response, or reaction to the hurt can bring clarity of thought and perspective.

7) Pray good things and God’s blessing for the guilty party

It is difficult to think bad, negative, revengeful thoughts toward the person while you are praying good things for them. (Matt 5:44)

8) Bring every thought into captivity

Take control of your thoughts and stop your mind from re-running the incident or conversation over and over and over in your mind. (2 Cor 10:5)

9) Process the effects of the hurt as soon as possible

The longer you leave raw hurt, allowing time to pass and letting it become covered by the business of life, the more that hurt will be internalized and pushed down into your soul. Left long enough without resolving action, that hurt in your soul will turn sour and produce bitterness.

10) Take time out, give yourself space to heal

Take a day off. Go on a retreat with God. Postpone all intense, pressurized decisions and appointments.

11) Engage in soul-refreshing activities

Have coffee with a friend, go to the movies, get lost in a computer game or your favourite hobby, do a jigsaw puzzle, play golf, go out for a meal with friends. Do a bundle of things for no other reason than you enjoy doing them.

12) Learn all you can from the hurtful experience

Ask yourself questions like, “Did I just react or properly respond? Is there something I could or should have done differently? What can I put into place to protect myself from being hurt in this manner next time?”

13) Eat chocolate

Eat lots of chocolate.

14) Exercise out the anger, frustration or stress

Go for a walk, to an exercise class, the gym, or just vacuum the house, but do something physically energetic. This will work out and release the intense emotion you are feeling in an acceptable and non-harmful manner. 

15) God time

Come aside to rest in his presence, snuggle under the shadow of the Almighty, allow the Holy Spirit to be your comforter. During this time, he will restore your soul. (Ps 91:1; John 14:16)

16) Forgive

Always forgive. To forgive is not an option, it is essential. Forgive the person(s) responsible for your hurt, otherwise it will hinder the flow of forgiveness from God to you.

Make the decision to forgive. Over time the corresponding feelings will catch up with the decision you have made to forgive. (Eph 4:31,32; Matt 6:14,15)

17) Adjust contact and/or relationship with the offending person as needed

How you view the offending person will now change from one of embrace to one of caution.

When having future contact with the person who hurt you put on your breastplate of righteousness to protect your heart from possible verbal arrows. (Eph 6:4)

18) Have the crucial conversation

Often you take offense and hurt on the chin, or you turn the other cheek. At times it is appropriate and essential to initiate a conversation with the person to let them know how their actions or words have impacted you. 

When a person isn’t told, confronted, or held to account they may continue to think their behaviour is acceptable. Plan what to say and how to say it. Pull up courage from your toes and initiate the crucial conversation.

19) Let it go through to the keeper

If the offending person is someone who habitually opens their mouth to change feet (regularly saying things in the wrong place at the wrong time, oblivious to the impact of their words) take a deep breath and let it pass.

20) War in the opposite spirit

Respond in an opposite manner. Bless those who curse you and do good to those who hate you. Perform an act of kindness as opposed to one of revenge. (Matt 5:44)

21) Ask for prayer

A ministry woman may request prayer from her personal prayer team. No details need to be given other than, “I am currently faced with a challenging situation.”

Ask a family member or friend to pray with and for you. Also forward a prayer request to your church.

Recovery from hurt is the goal. From your experience, can you add to this list one more key to overcome hurt that has worked for you?

(Photo by Jeffrey | Flickr)